Sometimes there can be a period of alienation in a relationship where everyday life becomes routine and communication with a partner is not what it used to be.
You may feel that your significant other is pulling away from you and becoming more of an outside observer in your relationship than an active participant.
But don’t come to the conclusion that your relationship is over. Maybe it’s just a temporary loss of interest, and you can still save it.
In this article, you’ll learn what causes a loss of interest and the signs that your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is losing interest in your relationship. Plus, we’ll share some tips to help you regain your partner’s attention.
Why do partners lose interest in relationships?
Kelly Campbell, a professor of psychology at California State University, looked at the problem of partners losing interest in each other and identified several main reasons why this happens:
1. Lack of trust.
Maybe the person you’re dating or married doesn’t consider themselves attractive or successful enough. Low self-esteem can cause them to distance themselves from you.
2. Excessive care.
Not every person needs a lot of attention. Maybe your overprotectiveness doesn’t give your partner the time and space they need.
3. Bad weather.
You and your partner may be on different pages in your relationship and your desires may not match.
4. Too, too soon.
Sometimes relationships can be very fast paced and passionate for one or both partners. This might scare them.
Now that we’ve covered the possible reasons, let’s find out the signs that your partner is losing interest in you.
Here are 7 subtle signs that your partner is losing interest in you.
Regardless of the length of the relationship, it’s critical to notice signs of feelings of cooling down. By identifying them early on, you are more likely to change the situation and steer your relationship in the right direction.
Here are some signs that your woman or man is losing interest in your relationship. Please read them carefully and match them to your situation. Once you’ve identified the problem, you can figure out how to proceed.
1. Your partner’s future plans do not include you.
When your partner made plans for the day, week, or month, they always considered your interests and preferences or asked for your advice. You discussed together where to go on vacation, how to spend a night, etc. It made you feel like an essential part of their lives.
Now, that has changed. You discover your partner’s plans by accident. Also, neither you nor your wishes are taken into account.
It’s not just large-scale items. For example, when choosing which movie to watch, your partner doesn’t ask what you want and doesn’t even care if you watch it with him. Such an attitude is a sign of loss of interest in a relationship.
2. Your partner shows no initiative.
Relationships grow based on the interaction between two partners. For a relationship to be healthy, both partners must participate equally.
When one partner constantly offers options for spending time together and the other simply tacitly agrees, the question arises, “Are they interested in being together?”
There is a stereotype that a man takes a more active role in a relationship than a woman. If we consider this pattern, your man’s lack of initiative could indicate that he is losing interest in you as a woman.
However, it’s just a stereotype. You must remember that when both partners love each other, they strive to make each other happy, regardless of gender and any stereotypes. If only one is struggling, maybe the other doesn’t need to.
3. You and your partner rarely have sex.
Sex is an important part of any relationship, and if your partner is no longer interested in it, you must be raising a red flag.
Sex has emotional and physical benefits for both partners due to the release of endorphins, dopamine and testosterone. Endorphins reduce stress and minimize pain, dopamine increases our feeling of happiness and testosterone improves our performance at work.
Furthermore, recent research “More than just sex: affect mediates the association between sexual activity and well-being” shows that sex promotes general well-being and induces positive emotions.
Of course, over time, passion may wane and the sex life of the spouses may become less regular, but this is normal.
If physical intimacy, including kissing and hugging, disappears completely, it’s a bad sign that your partner is losing interest in you. After all, when emotional interest disappears, the physical form of sympathy also disappears.
4. Emotional detachment.
Emotional distancing from your partner is a hidden sign of loss of interest. Of course, in some cases, it can also be a defense mechanism against stress, pain, anxiety, previous trauma, etc.
Emotional alienation related to loss of love and interest has external factors. Make sure your partner uses closed postures when talking to you or doesn’t want to look you in the eye.
An emotional wall can also indicate a loss of trust. Your partner no longer wants to share their secrets and doesn’t talk about their problems.
The unwillingness to talk about yourself leads to losing interest in your life and your problems. Mental health counselor Jill Sylvester agrees and says a relationship should be an equal partnership of give and take and finding compromise.
An emotionally closed partner will not prioritize you the way you prioritize him.
5. You don’t talk much.
More precisely, you don’t talk much about what really matters. You can spend hours discussing technical aspects, such as what color to paint the walls or which dishwasher to buy. But that’s where the conversation ends.
You don’t talk about your feelings for each other, shared values, or priorities. You don’t even talk about movies, music, politics, the neighbor’s lawn, etc.
When the conversation turns to something other than solving some problem, your significant other either pulls away from the communication or takes it in a different direction.
If this description sounds like your situation, your spouse may have lost interest in you and your relationship. And that’s the problem: people live together not only because they have romantic feelings for each other, but also because they are interested in each other.
If there is no interest, feelings can also be in danger.
6. You don’t fight anymore.
Arguments are part of any relationship. Conflicts and the ability to resolve them constructively help to achieve harmony in a couple.
Of course, fights can be destructive in some cases, especially when they happen over small things and the partners can’t find a common language to resolve the dispute. However, it’s even worse when one of them ignores the fight.
Psychologist Anne Crowley confirms this by saying that while fighting isn’t the most productive part of a relationship, it’s still the energy partners put into it.
If you notice that your husband doesn’t want to resolve the conflict, it is one of the signs that he is losing interest not only in resolving a dispute, but also in building a healthy relationship.
7. Your relationship has stalled.
Many psychologists believe that the relationship between loving people is a dynamic process with formal and psychological periods.
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First, people know each other. So, in many cases, they move in together, get married and have children. Psychologically, partners also go through several phases: flirting, falling in love, friendship (as a period of getting to know each other), and true love.
Partners who are not interested in progress can get stuck at any stage.
A boyfriend who loses interest in a relationship will not ask his girlfriend to marry him, while a wife who loses interest in her husband may avoid talking about having children, etc.
Think about how you want your relationship to progress and try to discuss this with your partner. If they avoid communication, perhaps the problem is that their desires and vision don’t match.
How can you regain your partner’s interest?
The more you get to know your partner, the more you get used to them. Over time, the effect of the romantic unexpected can wear off and your relationship is in danger of becoming a rut.
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However, you have an advantage. You know your partner like no one else and, noticing signs of cooling off and loss of interest, you can devise a plan of action suited to your situation.
The tips below are just a few things you can do to take your relationship to the next level and regain your partner’s interest. Let them be your starting point.
Here are 5 tips to help get your partner interested.
1. Learn to be a good listener.
In the rare moments when your partner says something to you, disregard anything that might be distracting you and dedicate that time to them.
Once they realize that you’re interested in what they’re talking about, they might rethink the relationship and start sharing more with you.
2. Pay attention to your appearance.
Maybe your partner used to say that short hair suits you or that blue color enhances your eyes. Remember, people love with their eyes first. Then you can use what they like to show that you value your partner’s opinion.
3. Start dating your partner again.
When you first met, you tried to get to know each other better through dating. Now that you’ve known your partner for many years, it might seem like there’s no need to date anymore. However, it can spark interest in a relationship.
Invite them in advance or arrange a surprise date just for the two of you. It will bring romance and keep the spark in your relationship.
4. Talk about what you want.
Tell your partner that you need more attention from him and more involvement in the relationship. However, choose your words carefully to provoke hostility, defensiveness and further alienation.
5. Be yourself.
Remember that you are unique. Trust and be honest with yourself. You become more interesting and attractive to others by being who you are.
Another piece of advice is to try relationship therapy. A psychologist or therapist can help you and your partner get to the root of the problem and find a strategy that works for you.
If you feel like your partner is losing interest in you and your relationship, that doesn’t always mean your relationship has no future. Interest can be restored if the feelings haven’t gone away.
First, it’s critical to understand if you and your partner really want to. So, before taking any action, talk to your soulmate.
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Natalie Maximets is a life transformation coach with a background in clinical and existential psychology.