Cutting ties with a family member is an emotional decision, and one that most people don’t take seriously. But a grandmother on Reddit wants to cut ties with her 2-year-old great-granddaughter publicly, maintaining a personal relationship with her in secret. As you can imagine, people on Reddit don’t hesitate to go get her.
On the “Am I The A-hole” subreddit, a 22-year-old mother mentioned that she accidentally became pregnant with her 2-year-old daughter Ava, and is now engaged to Ava’s father Brian and raising their baby girl together. Unfortunately, her “very religious and traditional” grandmother was upset with her choice to keep her baby, and she seems extremely toxic. Fasten your belt – a serious whiplash is coming.
“To say she was upset when she found out I was pregnant would be an understatement,” the mother wrote of her grandmother. “Actually, she didn’t speak to me until I was almost 9 months old when she begged me to put the baby up for adoption. However, I thought she was finally coming back. She even came to Ava’s 2nd birthday party and gave her a Christmas present (a pajamas) this year.”
Out of the goodness of her heart, the original poster decided to give her grandmother a second chance at a relationship with Ava. But when an upcoming family gathering comes along, her grandmother (the host of the event) asks her granddaughter not to bring her daughter or fiance.
“She told me she wasn’t going to let me ‘put my family excuse around,’” the mother explained. “She said it’s ‘shameful to the family that I had a baby out of wedlock.’ She also told me that she didn’t even want to invite me because me being there is almost as bad since everyone knows what a ‘disgrace’ I am, but my dad would have a fit if she invited my sister and not me. .”
The young mother, who previously mentioned that she and her fiance had recently graduated from college and have jobs, defended her daughter.
“I told her I wasn’t ashamed of Ava and she shouldn’t be either,” she said. “She told me my ‘mistake’ means my family will be judged. She also called Ava a ‘bastard’. I was really upset (still am). I was literally shaking when she told me this. I told her she wouldn’t be ashamed of me or Ava anymore because she wouldn’t see either of us anytime soon. Good for her for defending her daughter like that!
The OP also said it is not going to the meeting and plans to “avoid events where my grandmother will be.” She also admitted that she called her grandmother “a stuck-up old bitch”. Well, when the shoe fits…
“I’m furious,” the mother added. “She doesn’t have to agree with my choices, but calling my daughter a mistake and a bastard is crossing a huge line. Besides, if she really feels that way, what’s the harm in not seeing us. I don’t want her to have the chance to call Ava those things in front of her. I want her to grow up knowing that she may not be planned, she is loved so much.”
Now the OP’s grandmother and aunts and uncles are upset. “They keep texting me and calling me an asshole for keeping her great granddaughter away from her when she won’t be around forever,” she wrote. “Also my father and sister made the decision not to go after they found out why I didn’t go. So I’m also being called AH for that. AITA?”
People defended the mother. “Looks like your grandma is already dead to you,” wrote one person. “Have a nice trip to the toxic family. Move forward and don’t look back.”
“Okay, the cognitive dissonance between ‘don’t bring your shameful bastard son here’ and ‘how dare you keep my great-granddaughter away from me’ is mind-boggling,” commented another. “Hypocrisy and toxicity at their best. OP is much better off without them.”
Some have pointed out that aunts and uncles may not have the whole story. “I totally agree that the bad non-grandmother is toxic, but maybe the rest of the family doesn’t have the whole story – the grandmother seems to be the controlling matriarch type and may have presented an entirely different narrative,” one person wrote.
Another person said, “NTA. Your grandmother is a hateful bitch. You don’t have to expose your daughter to this hateful religious toxicity.”
Agreed! This grandma can’t have her cake and eat it too – if she’s ashamed of her great-granddaughter (who is a little child!), she shouldn’t see it.
These celebrities talk to their kids about racism.